well, nothing could really prepare me for what im going through right now.  sorry for the lack of capital letters and punctaution, pero i dont know how the keys on this español keyboard work!

today was the first day ive spoken english since ive been in santa teresa.  i arrived on monday, but it seems like its been a lot longer.  imagine being placed in a pueblo where you barely know the language.  i knew what i signed up for, but there is no way i could have actually been ready to make the move.  literally, no one here speaks english, and the people are very poor. 

my host family is very, very generous and kind, and i couldnt have been paired with a better host mother.  the very first day, she told me i was one of her hijas, and she speaks very slowly so that i can better understand her spanish.  she gives me fresh fruit in the morning for breakfast (piña y sandia y banana!), and lunch and dinner is gallo pinto (rice and beans) con platanos maduros.  my room is very small and made out of stone.  i have a tin roof, and the rain at night makes a really pretty sound!  none of the rooms in the house (o afuera) are completely closed.  the walls to the rooms and the house dont extend all the way up to the roof, so i can hear everything going on in the house while im in my room.  in the morning, i am awoken either by roosters and chickens or by the vaqueros riding their horses or driving their oxen in the street.

in all honesty, i dont feel safe walking anywhere by myself.  whenever i go somewhere (like to use a computer today), i am either with my language facilitator, the other two volunteers, or my host family.  i get A LOT of stares from the people in the street because nobody is used to seeing a gringa out and about.  the unwanted attention makes me feel really uncomfortable, but i just keep my head down and dont make eye contact.  ive been wanting to take pictures of the pueblo, but im too nervous to use my camera outside of my house and dont want to draw even more attention to myself.

even with all of the poverty, and a strong feeling of uneasiness, i really feel as though most of the people here have life figured out with regards to personal relationships (which i feel is the most important aspect of life).  a lot of people who have professional jobs work in managua, and many other people have their own pulperrias in their homes.  after work, everyone goes back to their home and has dinner and sits and talks with their family.  typically, the family doesnt only consist of a mom, dad, brothers, and sisters.. there is the mom, dad, brothers, sisters, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, and neighbors.  its pretty funny, because when my family gets together at night, i cant really communicate very well with them.  but theyre so animated and always with smiles, its hard to not have a good time while listening to them talk.  i just laugh when i think im supposed to and nod my head when i think its necessary.. hahaha.

ive made a point to get to know one of the directors at the police department, jose, and every time he sees me, he makes a point to say hola.  i also had a short meeting today (todo en español.. yikes) with the secretaria politica about health topics that im going to be working with in santa teresa during my three month stay.  after talking with him, i realized that although the people here are very poor, they have big hearts.  its hard to explain, but it seems like everyone wants to help those in need.  in order for a pregnant woman, or anyone with health needs for that matter, to receive medical attention, all they have to do is fill out some paperwork and show up to el centro de salud.  the healthcare provided to these people is completely free, and the gobierno also assists with helping families start small, internal businesses (like raising chickens) in order to help them live a sustainable life.

i still feel uneasy with the language barrier, and i now realize what many of my international friends have gone through when moving to the united states knowing little english.  ITS HARD.  so many times, i open my mouth to say something, and nothing comes out.  its so frustrating not being able to express my ideas and feelings, but im learning.  i have confidence that after these three months, ill be ready to live on my own in nicaragua.

i miss everyone back home, and i cant wait to talk to all of you and see all of you!  please dont think im weird, but i did save some random notes that you guys wrote to me, and i have them hanging on the wall in my room.  i read them every morning, and they give me the strength to start my day with COMO AMANECIO instead of GOOD MORNING.  haha i love you guys so much.  miss you!!

besos.